Letters

  We never published letters in the print version of Culture Freak because it just seemed like a waste of space.  Well, now we have space.  The following letters inspired inquiry and/or dialogue.  Speaking of letters, recently, for the first time I have noticed,  I was addressed in a direct marketing letter as "Dear Consumer:"  Then it happened again the SAME day ... and again the NEXT day.

Hi Mike,

     I saw something last weekend that I thought might interest you. Let me start with a little background.

    About ten years ago or so I was in the (then new) Union Square A&P and heard the usual supermarket music. Then the music stopped and an equally saccharine voice came on saying something to the effect that I was listening to "WANP". I was floored at this faux radio. At the time I thought that in-store TV wasn't far off.

     A few weeks ago, I saw a piece on TV about a burrito shop/tatoo parlor in San Francisco that will give you free burritos for life if you get their logo tatooed on you.

     Last weekend I took a trip to one of my local Blockbusters. (The nearby independent store had its last gasp a few months ago.) In the old days, when I used to go to Tower Video, they used to play some video, probably chosen by someone working there, on all the monitors in the store.

     Eventually video stores started showing tapes consisting simply of previews. Blockbuster now has their own in-store TV channel. It had some tie-in with VH1, I think it was, and even had its own commercials for things that had nothing to do with movie rental! It was a surreal experience. This may be old news, but I guess it's been a while since I've been to a video store, Blockbuster in particular.

     Then I thought of the burrito shop and wondered if there would ever be a less drastic form of using customers as walking ads. Something like t-shirts with logos, but something the customer has less choice about. After all, you can give someone a t-shirt, but you can't make them wear it. Sure enough, there is a machine attached to the ceiling that projects spinning logos and the like all around, especially on the captive people waiting on line. They've done it — they forced me to carry their logo, even temporarily. To counter this forced marketing (and because it's a waste), I declined their plastic bag for my single video.

What's next?

   — Leon Moser

     Hmm: Implants, maybe?  Dunno.  This is yet another reason for me to avoid entering Blockbuster.  Thankfully, my local vid stores haven't really been hurt too badly yet.

I am immediately reminded of two things, the second of which isn't particulary pertinent but...

1) Internal corporate 'radio' at a BP gas station in Cincinnati, Ohio — 1994.  "You're listening to BP Radio, 97 OCTANE, now that's fuel mixture!" (no joke).

2) Back in 1989 or 90, I noticed that promotional videos for financial services seemed to replace clocks as a common fixture at banks.  When I was a kid, every bank had a highly visible clock.  The importance of time was clear.  Since the early 90s the clocks are gone — replaced by TVs.  Apparently time is no longer money.  Only commercial  messages are money (or something).

Mike:

1) You rock.  Congratulations.  I've been enjoying [Culture Freak Six] again...A great issue.  I especially like the quote from your mom about Greenspan and your coverage of the heartland.

 Suggestion re: the MarketSpeak item 'craft beer'.  Maybe the artist formerly known as the boys on Madison avenue hasn't forgotten how America talks, but simply doesn't like it, and wants to make America speak its language for a change instead of trying to figure out what America's calling the category every couple of years.

2. You owe it to yourself and your readers to have an 'Ask the Freak' section where people can write in with questions about marketing strangenesses, etc.

3.  Is it time for you to get a job at [Brandweek]?  (After which you could be a marketing consultant and/or published writer on all this insanity?)  I think you and [Brandweek editor Matthew] Grimm would get along...

— Jed

Jed:

    Regarding the MarketSpeak analysis:  intriguing.  I had never quite considered that angle before.  I'll keep it in mind when analyzing new stuff.  Still, I wonder if I'll ever actually overhear an American consumer talk about a car being '#1 in its class.'  Does any non-auto industry person know anything about this 'class' system?  How many classes are there?  There could be as little as six (i.e. sedan, truck, van, sport utility, station wagon, sports car), but it seems more likely that there are dozens, or perhaps sub-classes (i.e. luxury mid-sized sedan, value sport utility, premium sport utility).  A declaration that a car is such and such in it's class will mean nothing to me until I'm certain there aren't hundreds of classes.  Who cares if something is the # 1 luxury, full-sized sport utility?  How many competing models are in that class? And what about a car that's in 'a class by itself.' Would it then really be that hard to be # 1?

    Regarding "Ask the Freak."  Another good idea.  I'm always willing to research anything I don't know off hand so what the hell.  I'll post it here on the site, because the print issues are so few and far between.

    I decided today to give the new M&M's sku ('Crispy') another try. And I've concluded that they suck. First of all, the formula [for all M&M's® candy] seems to have changed over the years to include a cheaper, sweeter tasting chocolate. Second, the texture is wrong. I think they need to be denser. A hard, bitter sweet chocolate would work better I feel. Third, the package is hideous.  Check out www.m-ms.com

— Big'Un

Big-Un:

    I tried this new product once, and have concluded that it's really not worthy of the name 'M&M's' chocolate candies.  I don't think they fit in with the rest of the family.  So, I decided to write tell Mars, Inc. to tell them just that. (I received no reply.)

    "Well, this is only one opinion, but I don't really feel the new 'Crispy' sku fits in with the M&M's candies family. I get the feeling that it is "just some candy" disguised as an M&M's® candy. It kinda dilutes the whole "mystique," as it were, about the M&M's® brand.

     I think a lot of my negative reaction is due to the packaging. That garish blue color pillow pack is just all wrong in my opinion. It would be appropriate for  non-chocolate confectionery, but my brain just can't associate blue with chocolate. To me, it just looks like a pack of Skittles® and, therefore, I don't buy it if I'm in a chocolate mood.  I think the packaging should be beige, perhaps with brown dots and splotches to simulate the look of the 'crispy' stuff inside of the candy — definitely an earth tone of some kind (in keeping with the brown, yellow, etc. colors you've used in the past).

     Of course since, blue was suggested as a color for M&M's CANDY by more than half of the voters, maybe it's just me. I'd be interested to know if you've seen any other negative reactions to the packaging.

Mike:

     Did M&M take a poll to decide what color the new package should be?  Half the voters will vote for blue no matter what the product. Can of shit?  Blue. Can of fire?  Blue.

— Jeff

Jeff:

Yeah they did take a poll. Did you read about a study on this or something? Where'd that info come from?

    I saw the phrase ["entertainment-class commercials"] to refer to commercials shown during the Super Bowl. It made me think about product-placement (as well as the phrase "commercial-class entertainment").

    I think it's ironic that many commercials show less product than many movies and TV shows, which seem to fall all over themselves in their rush for product placement. I then wondered if commercials might become superfluous — will we see commercials completely integrated into 'editorial' content? I doubt it, for even as product placement is on the rise, so are pre-movie ads - about as vile a practice as ever there was.

    Another thing I thought was that if there are indeed "entertainment-class commercials,", I wonder if the company could sell product placement in their ads to other companies.  Finally, I recently saw an article describing how digital film editing technology had reached the point where editors could replace a product placement in a scene with another product. For example, for foreign release, a producer could "localize" the product. Sheesh. It boggles the mind.

— Leon

Leon:

    Localize the product placement? — you gotta love that!   I too have wondered  if any company has sold product placement "space" within their commercials.  For example, recently someone noted that you never see commercials for answering machines.  Granted, its a glutted market and hardly worth building strong brand identity etc.  But, many commercials USE the answering machine as a prop in  advertising narratives for OTHER products: So then, an answering machine manufacturer could pay a little cash to have their product appear in a luxury car or wine commercial.  Has anything like this happened?

    Product placement certainly occurs on network television shows (though, oddly not as much as it seemed to a few years ago), but have placements appeared in commercials for unrelated products?  If not, they should!
 

    Friendly's — I had never heard of this place until I moved here, but they kept showing these ads for meals with these yummy looking 99 cent sundaes. Then one night I was hankering for ice cream so I went to my local grocery store, but of course they didn't have any brands that I wanted (I know they're gross hippies, but i'm partial to Ben & Jerry's). Then I spied this little single serving of Friendly's Reses Pieces Sundae and thought i'd give it a whirl. While not quite Ben & Jerry's, it was satisfying in a whole other way. i looked up Frendly's on the internet, because I was dying to go, but I discovered just as you mentioned that [it is not found in Manhattan or the outer boroughs, with the exception of Staten Island.   Friendly's screams Queens. It's just not right. Now they've got some ad for a "watermelon roll sundae", but it makes me retch every time I see it. But that's probably just because I hate melons, not because it's a poor product.

    Caldor — Caldor rules! I was just there today at the local "Metro Mall". Talk about a poor excuse for a mall.  I haven't seen Atlantic Center, but so far my experience of New York malls has been very disappointing. Metro Mall has a Caldor and Toys 'R' Us in the front and then there are all these other smaller stores in the back down this HUGE, long incline. It's obviously designed for cars. They have a Waldbaums, which is an exciting, "real" supermarket, but I can never buy anything too substantial because I have to walk up that damn asphalt mountain to get back to street level. It's better than a stairmaster. Queens Center in Rego Park is the same way. There's a Bed Bath and Beyond and an Old Navy that are totally nowhere near the Sears, Circuit City and Marshalls in the same structure. Nothing is connected or centralized and it really bothers me.

    What's a 'California style' burrito?  My roommate is from Cali but he says he's only seen these here.

    I think California style = avacado.  But years ago when I was in France they called "Hawaiian" pizzas Californian, so who knows. And why don't they have Hawaiian pizzas here [in New York]? I hate to admit it, but I love them. Maybe it's just my neighborhood — there's not a lot of selection. And one more thing, why aren't there any candy aisles in the stores?! Well, Waldbaums has one, but as I said, that's a real supermarket. I can assume that it has something to do with size constraints. if stores have candy at all it's at the counter behind plexiglass like it's some sort of special item like batteries or condoms. For a 60 cent product is it really worth all the effort to fend off shoplifters?  I HATE the commercial for that tie-dye fruit roll. There's some kid on a bench with a smiley face shirt and whenever he's not looking it takes a bite off his roll til predictably it's all gone and he's dumbfounded. It's horrible. Believe it or not I actually get exasperated enough at commercials that I start talking to the tv (it's one of the benefits of living alone). I yelled at the tv when an ad for those new milk and mini cereal packs came on. I can't see what's so hard about actually taking a bowl out of the cupboard and pouring some ceral and milk into it. I'm lazy, but that's just going too far.  I always thought of cereal as a convenience food already.

   Ah yes, so "California" is indicative of an avacado presence.  Kind of like 'melt' means cheese and 'club' means bacon in the sandwich world or — more appropirately — "Hawaiian" means pineapple.  By "Hawaiian pizza" you mean the kind with Canadian bacon and pineapple on it right?
 
    Yes, by Hawaiian pizza I do mean canadian bacon and pineapple.  I'm sure that chains like Pizza Hut have them.

(some weeks later)

    I know it seems like I'm obsessed with Canadian bacon and pineapple pizza (well, I am sort of), but I figured that if anyone was going to have it, Pizza Hut would since they seem very middle-America to me. I got a menu and pineapple wasn't even one of the choices for toppings! Unbelievable. Regional differences on fast food menus have always interested me. I was always impressed as a child that the McDonalds in California served burritos. I'm not sure if they still do.

    Regarding the whole pizza thing: First, maybe the French call "Hawaiian" pizzas "Californian" because some French people visited Californian and had them there.  Or, better yet, maybe the "Hawaiian" pizza doesn't exist in Hawaii but is actually a California invention. In the Midwest I was introducded to bacon as a pizza topping.  On the West Coast, pineapple.  So I ask you, as someone new to the east coast, have you found any disturbing or simply novel pizza topping items?

    Do you mean like bacon bacon (crunchy strips) or the hammy canadian version? I loved it when Taco Bell was doing that B.L.T. thing. I haven't stumbled upon anything too terribly disturbing, but I have noticed they like to bread things here and use the word "cutlet" a lot. Like the eggplant (breaded) on pizza is foreign to me and tiny chopped up pieces of breaded chicken (cutlet, perhaps?) on pizza as well. I really only get slices in my neighborhood and it's very bare bones. Plain cheese (maybe I'm remembering incorrectly, but do people call this "regular"? I think they do and this confuses me because then regular would equal plain. But it took me the longest time to figure out that if someone asked me if I wanted my coffee "regular" that meant with milk and sugar [and a heck of a lot of sugar, at that] It's' not easy to get a simple cup of black coffee in these parts) and maybe only 2 or 3 other options. Oh, and white pizza is very un-west coast as well. The craziest pizza I've had here was at MARS 2113. Are you familiar with this theme restaurant? I think it's owned by Paramount or something and the whole premise is that you're going to dine on Mars and they take you there on a ride. It's really out of control, but I went because an out-of-town visitor had her heart set on it. I can't remember the cute name they used for it, but it consisted of honey-mustard for sauce with spinach, pine nuts, garlic chicken, and I think Fontina cheese. It's interesting how Martians have the same taste as American young urban professionals. There was also a whole drink menu devoted to "Martiantinis." I was pleased to see that cocktail nation had gone galactic.

    Yes, bacon bacon...like crunchy strips.  What BLT thing did The Bell do? I only remember the bacon cheeseburger burrito stuff.

    Now you've got me doubting myself. I remember the bacon cheeseburger era, but this was something else. There was a soft shell taco a couple years back that included bacon and a ranch-like dressing. I LOVED this taco and was crushed when they took it off the menu. They always take away my favorites. I was also fond of this taco in a flat-bread/pita they had in '95 where Jack Palance did the ads. I guess that's sort of what the gordita is now, but this was a little different (and better, I may add).

    I wonder if gordita sales would suffer if more Americans knew that the word means "little fat one" in Spanish.  Meanwhile, let's ask someone who lived in Hawaii about this Hawaiian pizza thing:

Jed:

    Do they actually serve "Hawaiian pizzas" (i.e. w/ Candadian bacon and pineapple) in Hawaii, or is it really a California thing?

    "They" do serve them there, but not to Hawaiians or even really people who live there.  It's mostly the kind of thing that gets served in Waikiki hotels to white gold (e.g. white trash polished with sports culture and a higher tax bracket) by people from california.  It's probably often MADE by a californian in the kitchen of a hawaiian hotel.  a Californian probably made it up and it could have even been served FIRST in california.  Point being: I've seen it in hawaii but it's probably a safe bet to BLAME California.