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1997's New Products We The new Picasso Candy is said to be 'a work of art' and consists of chocolate and a meltaway filling surrounded by a double-chocolate cookie. It comes in three flavors: Praline, Peanut Butter, and Mint Chocolate, and is sold in gourmet stores. Perhaps afterward you might brush your teeth with that dumb-ass Rembrandt brand toothpaste. Lobster Cup with Toasted Coconut and Crab Cigar (in phyllo dough) are two flavors of frozen hors d'ouvres now sold in gourmet stores. Black Forest Gummi Lighting Bugs: I don't know if this candy is 'interactive' as the industry says, but I doubt it. More likely it's same old shit packed in a different way. Tie-Dyed Fruit by the Foot fruit snacks are berry flavored and look as if they were tie-dyed. My suggestion is buy a crate and go to a Phish or The Other Ones show and sell them at a 300% markup. Chocolate Games are just that. They can be played, then eaten. Hasbro has introduced miniature board games with edible pieces. So far, Barrel of Monkeys, Mr. Potato Head and Connect Four are available. The Super Shishkebab is a pretzel skewer with gummy and marshmallow candies. Yum... Pandora's Chocolate Big Apple is a giant apple-shaped chocolate filled with replicas of the Statue of Liberty, the Chrysler Building, and the Brooklyn Bridge. Elvis has been sighted in your local grocery checkout counter. This time, however, he appears not on the covers of the tabloids but on a package of Elvis Chocolate Bars. Images of the King and Graceland are silk-screened onto these white and milk chocolate bars. A new product that is for all you donut lovers is Donut Cologne. This essence of cinnamon donut will have you smelling like those mall-based Cinnabon (sp?) stores in no time. ODCA's Flying Burrito Flounder Juice. NPN says here you have to see the product to understand what it is: 'Going by just the name, it could be a sauce for burritos, but then where does the flounder come in? Actually, the product is a hot sauce containing habanero peppers and sweet potatoes. Some company called Classic Caramel has introduced Dork Fruit Chews. I have no idea. Suitcase of Chocolate comprises a chocolate suit and suitcase. It sells for $7.95 High Gear Energy Gum — as with those fancy energy drinks on the market, this gum is a coffee alternative, containing stimulants such as tea extract, kola nut extract, and guarana and ginseng. Chocolate-Mint flavored. Sounds gross to me. The super-caffeinated, "straight-edge-friendly"
Jolt Cola brand has finally made Jolt Candy.
Also, the Yoo-Hoo candy bar was created from a deal between the chocolate
beverage maker and Clark Bar America. Chocolates marketer Russell Stover is teaming with Welch's to launch a co-branded milk chocolate peanut butter cup with grape and red raspberry jelly inside. I'm sorry but that just sounds nasty. Speaking of which, the tagline is "Gushing with Flavor." In similar co-branding news, Frankford Candy & Chocolate Company, Philadelphia, Pa., and Hunt-Wesson's Peter Pan Peanut Butter have introduced Peter Pan Peanut Butter Cups for the 1998 Christmas season. Pop Nots! "Crunchy Half-Popped Popcorn" is a product you'll probably never see, due to poor showings in test markets. "No duh" is the only reaction I can muster. Snorp Natural Aromatic Mouthwash Concentrate helps eliminate snoring noises by temporarily "freezing" vocal cords. That sounds healthy. And..."Snorp"? Brain Candies are gingko biloba-laced, cappuccino chocolates that will soon appear in gourmet shops for sale to idiots. Moisture Jamzz hand cream in a glove. This item is most commonly used by manicurists and compulsive masturbators on the go. Lipton Original Iced Tea Bars (tea popsicles) didn't do that well apparently. Wacky Veg is a brand that was pulled off the market just as fast as it appeared. This crap featured such products as frozen, chocolate-covered carrots and corn in pizza sauce, "among other crimes against plants" wrote Laura Shanahan for BRANDWEEK. "Ostensibly aimed at kids, it was the 'yuck' heard 'round the world." Banoffee by President's Choice is a frozen banana toffee pie. "Super quality and super convenient...Impress the mother-in-law! The Banoffee is an impressive dessert. Perfect for any celebration, dinner parties, bad hair days, Mondays, Tuesdays..." My disdain for anything banana flavored (save for actual bananas) colors my opinion on this one but...blechh. Tangy Salsa with Pineapple (again by President's Choice) is "a sweet tasting salsa with a hint of heat." This must be for all you West Coasters. Figaro Hair Food is "a Simple Approach to Beautiful, Healthier and More Lustrous Hair!" Chicken Bacon by McFarland's Foods is tailored to consumers wishing to avoid pork as well as those who avoid pork for religious reasons. One strip has 2.5 grams of fat, 19 calories and 8 mg. of cholesterol. Fruit Perfect Black Cherries made by American Spoon Foods: "One of nature's most elusive fruits, black cherries are irresistible when fresh, but have a flavor that is extremely difficult to preserve. You will have to taste these to believe how delicious black cherries can be; jarred in their rich purple syrup." (Mmmm, purple syrup). Toys with Microban® Antibacterial Protection have been introduced under Hasbro's Playskool® infant and preschool lines. Microban antibacterial protection inhibits the growth of a broad range of bacteria, mold, mildew and fungus and has been used in hospital, lab, and food preparation equipment since 1988. It is embedded in the plastic or synthetic fibers; is colorless, odorless and does not wash off. Two Dogs Orange Brew from Northland Beverage Company (Florida) "is made like beer but tastes like sparkling orangeade and lemonade. Starting with real lemons and oranges and a touch of malt and sugar, Two Dogs combines the taste of both with the cooling effervescence of a well-chilled beer." Sounds like Budweiser mixed with Orangina to me. Northland Beverage Company recently entered an exclusive licensing agreement with Hard Rock Cafe to bottle Super Premium Hard Rock Beer. Speaking of orange, Orange Rolls by Rhodes Bake-N-Serv (Utah) are shaped like a cinnamon roll and are filled with a sweet, all-natural orange filling. The rolls are topped with cream cheese frosting included with each package and are just one SKU (see MarketSpeak) in a family of flavored rolls. This is the company that authored the book "Fresh Ideas with Frozen Dough (I'm not kidding) Cheez-It Heads and Tails snack crackers from Sunshine Biscuits (Chicago) come in the shapes of heads and bodies of assorted animals, elephants, alligators, ducks and lions. Snack Me Cup "allows the user to drink from the cup without the cookies or crackers falling out." Redi-Shred®
Potato Cheese Bake from Basic American
Foods is a block of shredded cheese and potato. Simply nuke and
serve. Dumb and Fun Product Links: New Products Show Case & Learning Center The curator of this museum in Ithaca, NY is the author of the "What Were They Thinking?" product failure column of American Demographics magazine. Tops! (Update, 2001. The museum has moved to Ann Arbor, Michigan and I have no idea if it's under the same curator.) AlpineAire Foods® Shelf Stable Food Systems Spray Dried Meat Powders and more Cheese Powders, SuperCreme fat replacer and more
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