Meditations on Orange Juice

by Adam O'Toole

     The last time I went to my local Grand Union  to do a little grocery shopping , I had a realization. 

    If I recall correctly, when we were growing  up there was exactly one kind of orange juice. It was called Orange Juice. It was made from concentrate and had pulp. Not too much pulp, not too little. It was not enriched with calcium or extra vitamins. 

     Now, purchasing a container of OJ requires a three-part decision. First, we must decide if we want no pulp, some pulp, regular pulp, more pulp, or most pulp.  Then, calcuim enriched or no?, and finally "fresh squeezed" or made from concentrate? In mathematical terms, there is a three dimensional orange juice space that we now have to navigate:

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New! New!
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   It is my belief that this three dimensional orange juice space evolved from the simpler zero dimensional OJ space as the result of the application of destabilizing market forces, and that these market forces will continue to inflate the orange juice space through successively higher levels of dimensionality, visualized as hypercubes of greater and greater power.

   As a result of these forces, the orange juice wall in your local grocery will need to grow exponentially to keep up with the production of new varieties of OJ. Furthermore, shoppers will need to spend a greater quantity of time before the displays, in order to make their purchasing decision. As the dimensionality increases, so does the difficulty in processing the available choices and making the best decision from the standpoint of utility or aesthetics. 
   Indeed, as the dimensionality gets pushed greater than three (classic, new, clear orange juice, etc.) humans will no longer be able to process the decision space using the efficient and powerful visual centers of the brain. The quantity of time spent deciding on what kind of OJ to buy will spiral out of conrol. Diet with extra calcium? Original Farmhouse Style? Extra pulp with Orange Xest? New York Style? Nutra-Orange Expeller-Pressed Flash-Frozen Valencia Juice? Navel'n'Blood Orange Blend? 

    America will make orange juice an art form! Fuck those Frogs and their Orangina! 

- Adam O. 

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